On Jealousy, Envy, and the Color of the Other’s Grass

Although it’s getting close to Valentine’s Day, this is not about romantic jealousy -- although I could, of course, write at length about my history with the green-eyed monster.  Another day, perhaps.

This burst of thought was actually brought on by watching my Twitter timeline roll merrily by, and the hundreds of writers I follow.  I read their cheerful postings of brilliant blog entries, novels available on Amazon, kudos from their fellow writers, and the ubiquitous hastag of #amwriting, with a mixture of emotions. 

The first, I’m glad to say, is respect for their work.  Then, there’s a general feeling of pride in the writing process.  But creeping in hard on the heels of those noble reactions are jealousy, envy, and wishing I were living in what I perceive to be their much more disciplined and verdant pastures.  (Random observation: Isn’t it interesting that jealousy is characterized as “green,” which is also the color of the other person’s grass?)

I don’t suffer from writer’s block.  Far from it, actually.  At any given time, my brain is buzzing with at least ten things I’d like to write about, not to mention the unfinished novel that has left all the characters in truly dire straits and in desperate need of rescue.

Lately, I’m afraid it’s as simple as writer’s laziness.  I can hear my childish voice saying:” I want to play…”

What I should do is:

1) Write this blog entry

2) Write another chapter of “Grace’s Heart” and save those poor people

3) Get further on the transcription of my two grandmothers’ journals before the fragile little books  disintegrate

4) If “none of the above,” then at least give a much-needed vacuum to the living room.

What I want to do is:

1) Watch another endlessly “Quite Interesting” and gloriously funny episode of Stephen Fry’s “QI” television series

2) Play a game of “Risk” on pogo.com, and subsequently take over the world

3) Click every link that Twitter has to offer, which always leads me on a lovely, labyrinthine path through quirky news items, New Yorker cartoons, and YouTube videos

4) If “none of the above,” then get my car washed, stop off at the store to buy the Fritos I’ve promised to bring to the Super Bowl Party we’re attending later, and breathe in one of the sparkling, icy mornings I love so much.  

We have a phrase in this family, and I would be told right now that I’m “shoulding all over myself.”  The words “I should write” run through my head more often than I care to admit.  The truth of the matter is that “I love to write” is a sentiment that's always there.

So, I forgive myself the desire to loll aimlessly on a Sunday.  I try to remember that I give fifty hours a week to commuting and working, a few hours more than that to sleeping, and from the rest must be found time for a dear husband and busy family, chats on the phone or in emails with precious friends, a little learning and growing, a lot of laughing, a scratch behind the ear and change of water bowl for the cats, and the various minutiae of daily life.

And yes, also to taking over the world in a game of “Risk,” and breathing in the beauty of an Idaho morning…

…and writing.

~~~~~